I wanted to really write a post yesterday, at the end of my first day as a teacher. But no sooner had I arrived home, my husband whisked me out for dinner to celebrate the end of my first day. As I wrote on Facebook, I was getting the work-life balance right from the start. And so, it is the end of day 2, and I find myself writing this blog. I tried to work out what I should write about, finally realising that I should probably just describe how I feel.
I feel like breathing. Obviously, I am breathing and haven’t stopped for any reason. However, I can’t seem to get enough air at this moment in time. I’m more exhausted than I’ve been before in my life; my mind is overflowing with all the information I have gleaned from the last 2 days in the classroom; I’ve still got 31 literacy books to mark; and I’m no closer to working out how to plan my literacy and numeracy in a way that is pleasing for my school. It’s interesting, because you spend the first 2 years of ITT looking forward to the day when you’re a class teacher because then you can teach what you want, when you want and how you want… and then you spend the final year realising that you will never do that, because you just bow to however your school run things. For me, that is my number 1 priority. I also need to rifle through last year’s literacy/numeracy books to make sure I am marking them correctly. Oh, and I need to sort out my classroom cupboard. And I need to finish off my planning for guided reading. And tomorrow I need to teach 32 children how to write a letter about themselves, to their future selves.
First things first though, I need to breathe. I need to remember that I am a human, who has finite power to do things. I need to remember that I have wonderful colleagues who are there to help. I need to remember the children in my class deserve the best version of me. I need to remember that I am trusted, because I am good. If I can keep hold of those things, that and the thought of my PPA tomorrow, I know I can breathe. I know I can survive.