Today marks the first day of crying in my NQT year. Having read umpteen posts on TES and other blogs, it seems that noone is safe from tears during the dreaded first year of teaching. Somehow though, I thought I would be stronger for longer. Afterall, I managed to get through my final block without crying TOO much; I am used to hard work; I am a confident young women, with good support networks outside of work; and I love my job.
A reality check today, though, as I had a crisis of confidence. A somewhat complex bundle of emotions enveloped me, as I know that I am doing a fine job, yet feel as though I’m still not doing it right. Every day I am hearing tales of woe from other NQTs online, and yet I hadn’t experienced it. I’ve been working diligently, following a marking timetable and planning the rest of my day to make best use of my time. I’m enjoying teaching my class, and I feel prepared every day. All of this has had me feeling very calm, and yet, from reading stresses of others, I found myself believing that I’m doing it wrong.
And so yes, it is my party. And I will cry if I want to. Especially if it makes me feel better. But until things actually start going wrong, I’m going to choose to keep my head high and just dance to the music.